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Ann
Coulter Was Right (May/June 2007)
I am a brainwashed, bleeding-heart
liberal. Everything I say is naïve at best and corrosive
at worst. I have made detrimental deductions about the state of
affairs on this blue-green orb based on lies the liberal media
and my college professors told me.
How they hate America. How they’d love to
let the terrorists win.
I am anti-family and pro-partial-birth-abortion.
I shouldn’t have listened to Michael Moore and Al Gore.
I condone all the actions of the Clintons and thought that Kerry
was an ideal presidential candidate. I want to stifle all semblance
of international trade.
I am anti-business. I’d like to give everyone
a free-ride – no matter how undeserving.
I might even be a sophomoric socialist – out to wreak havoc
on the economy.
My nonsensical, idealistic, and impractical worldview
is a direct assault on your every tradition and value. Fear me.
Label me. Discard my position – it is unfounded. I have
done little to no research on nearly every subject that interests
me, preferring instead to pledge unquestioning obedience to the
Democratic party line. I hate firearms, hunting, and fishing.
I enjoy big government, bureaucracy, and overregulation. I support
Islamofascism.
If only I could find a way to make my homeland
more vulnerable to foreign attack.
If only I could aide and abet the enemy by tying the hands of
our generals in Iraq.
If only I could destroy all spirituality in the name of secularism.
I am the product of a godless school system masquerading
deceptions – like the laughable notion that mankind descended
from monkeys – as science. I envy your wealth and power
and wish to prevent you from achieving financial success. Tax
and spend, tax and spend – my misguided mantra, always on
the tip of my tongue. I am a vegetarian because I feel that cows
are too cute and cuddly to be used as hamburger. A perpetually
paranoid conspiracy theorist afraid to eat a little fecal matter
with my meat.
Why am I so unappreciative of what I have? I am
such a whiner. My parents didn’t discipline me enough as
a child, so I rebelled and bought a Che Guevara tee-shirt from
Hot Topic – unable to see the irony that this product was
provided to me by the free market.
I just don’t understand the “real
world.” Perhaps one day I’ll face the facts, grow
up, get a respectable job, and join the ranks of hardworking and
complacent nine-to-fivers. I’ll stop believing in a tree-filled-utopia
where peace can be achieved without the use of superior firepower.
I’ll realize that Adam Smith would totally kick Karl Marx’s
ass in a fight, and that Darwin was full of shit. I’ll learn
that Corporate America and the President know best.
Until then, by all means, write off anything I
say. Ignore me. Drown me out. Skirt my questions. Until then,
I’m just another lost cause.
-Jason M. Glover,
Editor
In the words
of the ingenious and patriotic Ann Coulter:
“Whether
they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein,
liberals are always against America. They are either traitors
or idiots, and on the matter of America's self-preservation, the
difference is irrelevant.”
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